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Book Review, In the Neighborhood by Peter Lovenheim, Searching For Community, One Sleepover at a Time

Peter Lovenheim lives in a prosperous suburb of Rochester, New York. In February 2000, there was a murder-suicide involving a couple of doctors in a house on their street. Two children ran out of the house after 10pm screaming that their father had killed their mother. No one in the neighborhood knew the family well, who had lived there for seven years. Lovenheim was puzzled at how a 36-house street lacked a sense of community. He wanted to meet the people whose homes he passed every day, regardless of their professions or number of children. I wanted to know the depth of his experience and his essence. Lovenheim knew from childhood sleepovers and summer home swaps that waking up in their beds, preparing food in the kitchen, and walking around their neighborhoods provided information that conversation alone couldn’t. His mission would require a sleepover party. Some residents refused; and yet many said yes. In the Neighborhood: The Search for Community on an American Street One Slumber Party at a Time, it’s Lovenheim’s nearly decade-long experience to embrace your neighborhood.

Lou, 81, was the first resident to comply with Lovenheim’s request for a night’s sleep. Lou, a retired surgeon, lost Edie, his wife of 52 years, five years ago and misses her very much. They raised six children who now live throughout the United States. Lou welcomes Lovenheim’s company, as his schnauzer, Heidi, is his only companion. Lovenheim accompanies Lou to the local Y where he exercises. There, his regular sparring partners praise Lou’s arrival. He appreciates her acclaim, reminding her of his popularity during his surgeon days. However, when he comes home to an empty house, as Lou says, “My life is zero.”

Patti, in her 40s, lives a short distance from Lou and they are not connected. Patti, a radiologist, diagnosed her own aggressive form of breast cancer. He gave up medicine to undergo chemotherapy. Lovenheim befriends Patti, a divorced mother of two preteen daughters. She also accepts your request for a sleepover. Lovenheim witnesses her health deteriorating over time and helps her whenever she can.

Grace, in her late 90s, had walked through the Lovenheim neighborhood almost every day for forty years without recognizing it. He lived in a nearby town, but chose to exercise in the beautiful surroundings of the Rochester suburb. Residents called her “La Caminante” from afar. Lovenheim approached Grace during one of her walks and explained her book project. She invited him to her apartment where she learned about her fascinating experience. She once lived in New York City and was an accomplished pianist and harpist. Once, while walking, he fell. He crawled down the street back to his car and headed to the emergency room. Lovenheim wonders if a place where an old woman falls and is not cared for can justly be called a “neighborhood.”

The married couple, Deb 32 and Doug, 42 represent the youngest faces on Lovenheim Street. Lovenheim spends the night and feels like a more self-reliant partner. They are both on the fast track in corporate America, childless and trying to conceive. They are active members of the local country club. Deb tells Lovenheim that she once needed vanilla for the cookies and made Dave drive in a snowstorm to buy some. Ideally, he thought, she should have been able to borrow something from him as a neighbor.

Lovenheim travels with Brian, the newspaper boy at 4:00 am to experience his street from a different perspective. He also walks alongside Postman Ralph’s delivery truck (postal regulations prevent passengers from the vehicle) as he makes his daily route. Ralph recounts how he helps residents, including recognizing the signs of a stroke in a client and asking for help. Lovenheim believes Ralph knows more about his neighbors than they do: “I began to realize that, in some way, he was a better neighbor to us than we were to each other.”

Lovenheim validates his neighboring efforts by introducing Patti to Lou. Lou appreciates the opportunity to take Patti to her doctor’s appointments; making him feel needed. Lovenheim borrows sidewalk salt from Deb; and agrees to take Patti’s daughter to the skating rink as her health deteriorates. When Lovenheim’s romantic interest ends, he turns to Lou for comfort. They share breakfast almost daily for two weeks while Lovenheim readjusts. “That I would end up being the one who would find refuge in a neighbor’s house is something that never occurred to me when I started my journey, but there it was,” says Lovenheim.

Lovenheim deserves credit for taking on such an assertive project. He showed immense patience as he befriended his neighbors for some time before requesting a sleepover. He also faced rejection from those weary of his intentions.

In an age of social media where we rapidly have more than 50,000 “followers” on Twitter, reading Lovenheim’s narrative raises the question: Do we actually know our next-door neighbor?

For thought-provoking questions about neighborhoods, see In the neighborhood Reading guide: http://us.penguingroup.com/static/rguides/us/in_the_neighbourhood.html.

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