Dating a serial cheater? How Serial Cheaters Can Seduce You
Serial cheaters are not always easy to spot. They are sincere, seductive and charming. A woman I know met someone she liked instantly. After two dates, she was electrified. The chemistry was so intense that she couldn’t see the signs of cheating written on her forehead. Blinded by her charisma, she didn’t recognize that she was just one girl in a long line of girls. When she discovered that he was cheating on her with other women whom she thought she was in love with too, she lamented, “All men cheat. I’ve never met one who didn’t.”
If you attract cheaters, it will help if you notice the behavior patterns you both have BEFORE you get involved. It cannot operate alone. You are his achievement. This statement is not meant to blame, but rather to help you understand that you don’t have to remain a target. You have control over your life. How does it seduce you?
1. Dressed for success: attracting the wrong guy.
Cheaters like to date certain types of women. If you’re out with your girlfriends and looking to attract a guy by the way you dress and act, sexy clothes and flirty conversations will give you what you say you don’t want: a cheater.
2. The cheater notices you.
Serial cheaters have an instinct for who to make a move on. He sends you a drink to your table or comes to ask your name. He makes you feel special. Before you know it, you’ll be spending the night talking, dancing, probably drinking, and romancing. He may show you money, tell you how successful you are, or offer to give you a ride home in his new car. He pays the bill, he tells you how beautiful you are, he wants to see you the next night, and he calls you several times a day. It is slowly persistent. You feel validated; he feels in control.
3. A cheater accelerates the relationship.
The cheater who is looking to date you has a behavioral ritual that he repeats over and over again. If he immediately says: “I love you and I have never felt like this before,” believe me, he has said this before. If she’s talking about getting you a ring, where you could buy a house and live, and how she’s always wanted kids, this is too fast. He is looking to bind you and exert control over your life. If he is rich, he is willing to pay for this control by bringing you gifts and helping you with your daily expenses. Once you get used to this financial relief, it’s hard to fire him when you find out he’s cheating on you. He knows this.
4. The cheater knows that you are vulnerable.
Cheaters instinctively know that you may have just come out of a crisis in your life. The death of someone close to you, going through a divorce, or your boyfriend leaving you can leave you feeling shaky. You are even more susceptible to a cheating or abusive man if you come from an abusive home or relationship. If you lack the family support you need, it will play on your vulnerability. His focus is to get you to open up emotionally and share your problems. He offers understanding, warmth, and a comforting feeling that he wants to take care of you. Of course, your shoulder to lean on comes at a price.
5. The cheater feels like you are trying to be an adult in a scary world.
Serial cheaters can tell when you pretend to the world that you have everything under control, but the fact is that you probably don’t have enough money, enough support team around you, and enough safety net under you to feel safe. . Instead of spending your time and effort studying for a degree and a better job, you may be working a job that doesn’t pay enough and will get you nowhere. When the serial charmer shows up, you want to BELIEVE IT. You don’t want to see the lies and patterns. You spend whatever time you have left at the end of the day trying to make a relationship work and it never goes anywhere.
6. The cheater goes out with others and when you find out, you are outraged.
Thinking that you are exclusively dating the cheater, sooner or later you find out that he has lied and cheated on you. You might see him dating someone else, read his email that you weren’t supposed to see, listen to his phone messages, or get a call from his other girlfriend. You cry, he apologizes and offers you promises that he simply cannot keep. He showers you with gifts and you start the process all over again. This cycle continues until months… or years… later, you’ve had enough.
Dating a cheater can change your life, but you don’t have to stop there. If you recognize this pattern in your relationship, there is hope. Old patterns can be broken and you can have happiness instead of drama. Learn to spot the serial cheater before he crosses the room.