I woke up the other morning around 4 am and there was a beautiful young woman in our bed between me and my wife. She had bright eyes and a bushy tail and she smiled when I opened her eyes and she said… “Hi daddy!” Hmm…
“What are you doing in my swamp?” I asked him in my best Shrek impersonation. This, as always, produced a smile.
“Sleeping,” she said.
“You don’t look like you’re sleeping to me,” I said.
Mommy, who was now awake, decided to try to get her back to her own room and that seemed to work, but I never went back to sleep. So, I tossed and turned for about an hour and finally gave in around 5am and got up. I turned on the phone connection and went to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee. In my mind, I was picturing the two tasks competing in a head-to-head race to see which would be accomplished first: the finished product of a cup of coffee, or finally connecting via archaic dial-up and low-KB connection. To my amazement, the computer won hands down. I added the necessary ingredients to my coffee, headed to the office, put the coffee on the desk, moved the chair to a comfortable place, and put my hands on the keyboard. Oh yes, I can write.
Did I just hear something? A creaking door, perhaps? I turned my back to catch a fleeting glimpse out of the corner of my eye making her way quickly to our room where I hoped my wife hadn’t suffered the same fate I did that morning trying to go back to sleep.
“Hey!” I yelled. The figure’s feet stopped dead, turned 180 degrees and headed straight for the office.
“I can’t sleep,” he said.
“Join the club,” I told him. She tried in vain to tell me that she was scared, but I could tell otherwise with her beautiful but lying eyes. She’s still not a very accomplished liar.
“Why don’t you lie on your bed with the door open for a bit and I’ll protect you since you’re right next to the office?” I offered.
“Okay,” she said excitedly. Too excited to think this was going to have any semblance of resistance. Sure enough… a few moments later, she went back to the office to tell dad a really cool story. Of course it was gibberish and she was making it up as she went along. Gotta love the imagination of her 5 year old. I have no idea where she gets it from.
Now, if I were Mommy, I’d force her back into bed and tell her…you need to sleep because I don’t want you to be a cranky girl at Nanny’s today and high maintenance when you finally get home tonight. This would produce moans and cries of protest, and that she was scared and that she was not tired. But I’m not mommy. And she didn’t want to hear wailing or crying at this time of day. I just don’t have the fortitude my wife inhibits when it comes to such matters.
“Look dad!” she exclaimed referring to the dawn light coming in around the edges of the mini-blinds, “it’s time for morning!”
“Uhuh,” I said, “but it’s still early honey and I want your mommy to sleep.”
“Can I stay up?” she asked herself knowing that he would leave her. How does he do that?
“If you stay in your room and get busy without waking up your mommy.” She left happily and I really didn’t think mom was going to go back to sleep in all honesty. However, she has an uncanny ability to stay there for hours trying. And she used to get me up early when she was young. And look at me… I came out… okay? … Hmmm … wait a minute!
“Jadyn! Go back to bed!”
“Waaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!” Now… even the dog was wide awake. I clicked the red X in the upper right corner of the monitor screen and called it a day on the Internet.
This very morning, as I write… I have done the exact same routine as the other day, without waking up with my daughter wide awake between me and my wife. I got a little further into the routine this morning. I was already getting my stats on preseason football games and final roster cuts when I heard…
“Mummy!” Oh, come on! 6:15 AM is what the clock showed. Wow… she’s sleeping, I thought sarcastically. “MOTHER!” She yelled even louder with more excitement while I was deep in thought. You’d think she’d be intercepting the screams before they produced a wide-awake Mami.
I went to his bedroom and opened the door. “What happen dear?” I asked.
“I want my nut”.
“Excuse me moi?”
“You know, dad,” he said with a degree of contempt and a hint of sarcasm. It’s a little early for that, don’t you think?
“Um…NO! I don’t know.”
“The Peanut”. I’m still clueless. “I think he’s on the shelf with my ballerina puppet.” I moved the puppets and saw no peanuts. “He’s the one I took out in the woods, dad!” Obviously, he finally realized that his father still had no idea what he was looking for. “The Squirrel Nut! Hello!” Yes, full blown sarcasm. I hate to admit that she gets that from me.
Now he finally understood what he was looking for. She had found an acorn in the woods once while she was walking with her preschool class. Honestly, I haven’t seen this crazy acorn in several months and why I’m reaching for this damn nut at 6:15 this morning when I could be writing a blog post is beyond my realm of reasoning.
“There are no acorns up here, Jadyn,” I told her.
“Oh…okay. I thought it was.” Uhh… you sure did. Little schemer… Man, I love her though.
When I tried to leave her room and close the door, I got the “I have to go to the bathroom” routine, so I knew I wasn’t going back to bed. I used to get up early when I was a kid. And look at me. I came out good. Hmm… wait a minute. No. I don’t want you to cry this morning. I just had an idea for a blog post. What about small bribes?
“Jadyn?”
“Yes daddy?”
“How about I put on a cartoon for you and you get real quiet and don’t wake up mommy?”
“Yes Yes Yes!” she practically screamed. So much for keeping the house quiet, I thought as the dog left the bedroom.
Anyway… Mommy is still in bed (wide awake I’m sure) and my daughter is laying on the couch watching her TiVo’d TV show. And that gave me this opportunity to write this. Thank God!
