Any time your boundaries are crossed in a way that disrupts your ability to meet your needs and respect your preferences, you are experiencing a boundary violation. People violate boundaries without even knowing it. In the workplace, boundary violations happen all the time. For example, an employee has to go to her daughter’s recital on Wednesday at 7 pm. She has explained to her boss that she has to leave at 6:30 pm sharp to get to the recital. At 6:29 pm, her boss rushes into her office and tells her that she absolutely needs her to stay a little longer to help make a last minute solution to a project that she is due to send tonight. That boss may not understand what she just did, but the employee certainly feels it. Her boundaries have been violated.
Boundary violation occurs intentionally or unintentionally. The key is to notice when your boundaries are being violated and address the problem immediately. The problem of boundary violation takes on additional meaning when you compound the violation with a boss who consistently behaves in this way. Any time you have a manager who doesn’t respect or value your time off, your work/life balance needs, and doesn’t understand where your job role begins and ends (and therefore has you doing the work of three people), has a manager who also violates the limits. The problem with this is that, at some point, you’ll get so tired that one of three things will happen: 1) your performance will drop, 2) you’ll leave the job, or 3) you’ll change departments or positions in an attempt to get away from your boss. violate limits. While all of these options are viable, none of them teach you how to successfully handle a boundary violator. Rest assured, you will come across these types of people in all areas of your life. Use this work experience as an opportunity to learn how to navigate these rocky waters.
If you’re confused about whether your boss is a boundary violator (or just expects too much of you), here are 7 signs your boss is, in fact, a boundary violator:
1) You have made it clear what you can and cannot do in terms of your job function, but you are constantly being asked to do the tasks and take on the responsibilities that you have clearly stated you cannot do (i.e. extra projects, extra work, weekends, extended trips, longer hours, taking on extra projects when you’re already overwhelmed with the ones you have). In this situation, it’s almost as if you’re talking but your boss doesn’t really listen to you…or doesn’t care.
2) Your boss constantly reminds you of mistakes you’ve made in the past as a way of blaming you for doing more work than is required of you (i.e. playing the blame/shame/guilt game as a way of making you feel guilty). feel like you don’t owe your boss).
3) On the one hand, your boss praises your work but, on the other hand, refuses to help you move up in the company. In each performance review, he/she has at least 10 reasons why he/she is “not ready” to move up the ranks.
4) Your boss inappropriately confides in you as a “friend” about his personal life, marital problems, and work matters and asks for your advice, which puts you in an awkward position.
5) Your boss always waits until the last minute to ask you to “help” on projects, assignments, and committees that he could easily have asked you to participate in earlier.
6) Your boss delegates many tasks to you but gets all the credit.
7) Your boss is disorganized when it comes to delegating responsibilities when he’s on vacation, leaving early, or going on a business trip and expects you to pick up the slack for his lack of follow through.
Those are just seven of the signs that your boss is a boundary violator. If even two are present, know that it’s up to you to have that borderline conversation. By setting work limits, many employees fear that if they set them firmly, they will risk losing their jobs. At the end of the day, this is the truth: Your boss will continue to violate your boundaries as long as you let them. It’s up to you to decide if your best bet is:
1) find another job,
2) find another position within the company,
3) have a borderline conversation or
4) just start saying no.
Only you know the exact dynamics of your department and your relationship with your boss. Trust your intuition on this one.
If you’re sick and tired of being sick and tired, prepare your resume and cover letter and start looking elsewhere. If you feel like your talents and gifts are being taken advantage of, you have the power to stop that today. At any time, you can request a meeting where you ask your boss to change your hours, change your job title, negotiate your salary, or simply look for work elsewhere and address the boundary violation until you move to another company . But you have to do something. Whenever boundary violations continue for an extended period of time, one of two things happens: 1) the person being violated loses self-esteem, hope, and performance suffers to the point of change (willingly or unwillingly) or 2) ) the person who is raping never learns the powerful lesson that people will give you 200% if they know you really care about them and take their needs into consideration. Allowing boundary violations to continue is a win-lose situation. Don’t take it. There is a way to create and maintain healthy boundaries in ALL areas of your life, especially at work.
