YOU ARE LISTENING?

Do most of us engage in PARALLEL conversations?

Example:

1st speaker: I have a dog.

2nd speaker: I also have a dog.

1st Speaker: My dog ​​is a Border Collie.

2nd Announcer: My dog ​​is a Shepherd.

1st Speaker: My dog ​​is really smart like its owner.

2nd Speaker: My dog ​​is considered the most intelligent breed.

This is a side conversation where two people could be on separate planets. There is an exchange of information without either speaker actually listening to the other. There is no connection within this conversation.

We have been programmed to try to convince people that we “know how they feel” in almost any situation. As the speaker talks, our computer mind does a file search to find a story that compares to what the speaker says, so that we can tell the speaker a similar story. Then they will know that “we know how you feel.”

Unfortunately, don’t you think we’re missing this file search? Those of us who communicate in side conversations are not really listening while the other person is talking. We are preparing what WE are going to say when the speaker takes a breath. We could even “finish” the speaker’s sentences because we think we already know what he is going to say and we want it to be our turn to speak.

Sometimes we even interrupt the speaker to tell OUR story.

An example:

1st speaker: How are you?

2nd speaker: Oh. I’m tired today.

1st speaker: Tired! You don’t know what tiredness is.

I’ve been so busy that I don’t have time to admit how tired I am.

2nd speaker: I went to the doctor… and…

1st speaker: (interrupts) Yes, I don’t have time to go to the doctor, I’m very busy.

2nd speaker: (sighs). See you later.

We resign ourselves to the other person not listening to us and try to move away from the other person’s one-sided conversation with themselves.

Side conversations are boring. There is no dialogue, rather each speaker is giving a monologue. Boredom creeps in and takes over us like a virus.

Not listening has become so automatic that it kills the relationship without you realizing it.

That is the reason why listening has been described as “the art of listening”.

Are you willing to become an artist?

This is the one million question:

What is missing from side conversations?

What’s missing is one of the most life-giving qualities of a relationship… CURIOSITY! Albert Einstein says: The important thing is not to stop questioning… Never lose a holy curiosity.

When we were children, our curiosity was insatiable. We ask “why” about almost everything. Our “whys” were often met with impatience and we heard a tired “why, or because I said so” instead of an answer to our question. Keep your hands on you. Do not touch that. We were socialized to conform and stifle our natural liveliness.

So how can we get our curiosity back?

It’s simple, but it takes time and practice. How can we be willing to learn, relearn and, perhaps more importantly, UN-learn the automation of our programming? How can we practice the art of listening through the development of curiosity?

What can curiosity do to our lives? Curiosity can foster a sense of vitality and make life an adventure. Curiosity can trigger our natural curiosity about the mystery of life and inspire us to ask questions.

So how can we truly LISTEN? How can we allow curiosity to take the lead? Are we willing to ask questions? Are we willing to meet again with the best friends of the curious, what, when, why, who, where and how?

So now, look through the lens of curiosity with our original conversation where curiosity reigns and relationship is nurtured.

1st speaker: I have a dog.

2nd speaker: Really? What kind of dog?

1st Speaker: My dog ​​is a Border Collie.

2nd speaker: That’s a great breed. How old is she?

1st speaker: She is 10 years old.

2nd speaker: Where does it stay, inside or outside?

1st speaker: Oh, both. She sleeps inside but she loves to be outside.

2nd speaker: When did you get it?

1st speaker: when she was only 8 weeks old.

2nd speaker: Why did you choose a Border Collie?

1st Speaker: She was at an animal shelter and we fell in love with her. We didn’t really care about her race. Do you have any animals?

Can you feel the curiosity, presence, and art of listening exemplified by the second speaker? This is building rapport on conversation rather than demanding self-centered attention.

Are you willing to give yourself the gift of listening to your friends, your family, your colleagues, the waiters in a restaurant, the acquaintances you meet in the supermarket, YOURSELF?

When you feed your curiosity, are you willing to feel more alive than ever? Are you willing to let life become a game? An adventure?

The art of listening is a gift you can give to everyone you meet during the holidays. Well, actually, you could give this gift every day to everyone, including yourself.

Are you ready?

http://www.karenbethglunz.com