Anticipating the holidays without your loved one is often more difficult than the actual holiday season. The early years are often the hardest, but even many years later, pain and sadness come to the fore during this season. As you experience those normal emotions of reminiscing about shared moments, you may want to skip the season altogether. While others are celebrating, you may feel that there is no joy in celebrating.

It can be challenging to get through the holiday season when one is heartbroken by the death of a loved one. This is a time to honor and remember our loved ones. It is also a time to remember our own needs, as we look for meaning and gratitude in our new lives in the future. During this time, remember to be patient with yourself and be realistic with your expectations. As you grieve, do your best to soften that mental picture of how things “should” be. As you celebrate the holiday season, listen to your heart and be careful not to overextend yourself.

Here are some suggestions to help you as you begin to combine old holiday traditions with new ones:

• Buy or make a new Christmas ornament or trinket. Place the new ornament or trinket next to your loved one’s favorite. Put it on your Christmas tree or in a special place in your home.

• If you usually decorate the tree in the living room, still decorate the tree, but maybe put it in the study.

• If you had a special dinner on Christmas Day, maybe have the special dinner on Christmas Eve instead, with a special place on the table in memory of your loved one.

• If you used to shop together for gifts, buy a gift in memory of your loved one and give it to someone else.

• Choose a favorite activity that your loved one has enjoyed, for example, sports, baking, etc. Select a day during the holiday season that you will do this activity, even if it is an activity you have never participated in before.

• Be creative as you find your own unique ways to show tribute to your loved one and gratitude for your own life, memories made and lessons learned.

One activity I always suggest is doing something you’ve never done before, but maybe always wanted to do. Choose an activity that forces you to get out of your comfort zone when doing it. Not only will this help you start new traditions, but it will increase your confidence and belief in yourself as you find meaning and gratitude in your new life.