Part of learning to love yourself has to do with making decisions, but not in the way most believe decisions should be made. It’s not about choosing whether or not you like something, or choosing the job of a lifetime, or even choosing a life partner. The kind of choice that helps us learn to love ourselves has to do with choosing to participate in the state of conscious life: to act consciously instead of react. This means that in each and every moment and especially when we are in an exchange with another person, we put emotions aside and choose how to act – consciously and deliberately – in the right way… no matter how difficult or embarrassing it may be. for us. .
Choosing to act righteously is examining the situation from all angles and more specifically through the lens of the heart. When we choose to do that, we scare everyone who doesn’t know how to do such a thing. It scares people because it doesn’t make sense to them: they would never choose to act that way. That’s ‘normal’ but not real: a person living in reality will always choose to do the right thing. Knowing what is right is another thing entirely, and part of the path to gaining that kind of knowledge is to forgive and love yourself.
Start small, as this can be confusing until you get the hang of it. First, decide if you are ready to fully participate in your own life. So choose to learn to love yourself completely. Next, work on observing yourself as you go through the day. The more you can observe what you are doing, the sooner you can take a step back and decide how to act. Then you are truly participating in life and becoming Real (see other articles by this author to learn more about how to achieve those steps). Stop putting yourself down for making bad decisions or treating someone unkindly (including yourself) and decide that you’ll do better next time. Keep practicing this whole observe/decide/action thing and it will soon become second nature. To others you will begin to seem unruffled, nicer, and much kinder; They will think that nothing ever bothers you. That may or may not be true, but at least you can start with the appearance of it. It’s so much easier to love yourself when you recognize that you’re really working to become a better human being.
©2010 Dr. Valerie Olmsted All Rights Reserved
