“I have a problem when I feel like I’m not involved enough,” Terrell Owens said this week. “I know I can make a difference. It’s not me being arrogant. I just know what I bring to the table.”
In related news:
“I don’t understand what the fuss is about,” Rep. Mark Foley (R-Fla) said. “I think young boys are nubile and delicious. It’s not me being kinky. I just know what I bring to the table.”
“I think the nation is overreacting,” House Speaker Dennis Hastert said. “Yes, he probably knew about the issues on the congressional page schedule, and yes, he didn’t want anyone to know. I’m not being fraudulent. I just know what I bring to the table. Which is preferably stuffed with hot dogs.”
“I think sanctions against North Korea would be unjustified,” North Korean leader Kim Jong-il said. “I want to have a nuclear bomb and a Hollywood studio. I’m not a megalomaniac. I just know what I bring to the table. Which is nowhere near the copies of Dr. Strangelove that people keep sending me.”
“I don’t understand why everyone is so worried,” Madonna said. “I adopted a one-year-old African baby and took him out of his country to be groomed and prodded by the paparazzi for his entire life, and probably indoctrinated in Kabala or Scientology or something. I’m not presumptuous or narcissistic. I just know what I bring to the emporium of leather-clad dildos.”
“I think my breasts look better now,” said Tara Reid. “I managed after that moment when my dress strap fell off and everyone saw how disgusting my plastic surgery was. It’s not me being null and void. I just know what I bring to a press release.”
And then there were two. Which team do you like better, Indianapolis or Chicago? Is that the Super Bowl showdown you’re looking forward to in February?
BoDog Bookmakers, BoDog.ws: The Bears are looking great right now. Only one team has broken the seven-point barrier against Chicago’s solid defense, and they would have had their second shutout of the season, if greasy Griese hadn’t fumbled late against Buffalo. Still, with their schedule pretty comfortable, we’re hoping the Bears keep their streak going a little longer. With Indianapolis struggling to beat Tennessee on Sunday, we can’t give them credit early and hope to see them in the Super Bowl; The Colts can certainly score points, but they have yet to prove they are more than just a regular-season team.
What is the worst winning team in the NFL? Tennessee, Oakland, Detroit or Tampa Bay?
BDB, BoDog.ws: Oakland and Tennessee have to be fighting for the worst spot right now, with Oakland having a slight edge. And with Randy Moss content with 136 receiving yards in four games, we’re concerned he’s mixing more than just fruit and juice into his shakes at his juice shop in West Virginia.
Do you think a team like the Louisville Cardinals have a legitimate shot at the BCS title game? More legitimate than, say, one-loss teams like Tennessee or California?
BDB, BoDog.ws: Louisville is currently ranked No. 7 in the polls, and their undefeated record certainly looks good. They also have a very comfortable schedule, with the only real concern being West Virginia in Week 8. Although one game can turn the tide in the polls, they look better than Tennessee or California right now, especially since they have beaten their opponents by a margin of 18 points or more.
How was the loss to the New York Yankees in terms of bettors? A positive or negative result? What do you think about the Yankees’ sixth consecutive flop?
BDB, BoDog.ws: We were hoping to see a little more support for Detroit, but the public was still rooting for the Yankees, and a Yankees loss is usually always a good thing for the books. People have to start wondering if this ATM is getting too old for the game: six players on the roster born in the 1960s and just four born in the 1980s. They may seem unbeatable on paper, but they’re far from it. It’s time to shuffle the cards in New York or start cheering for the Mets.
