Have you ever been through a difficult time, only to have a fellow Christian give you bad advice with good intentions? It can be quite insulting at times!

In one of my darkest moments, when I was buried in my fog of grief, I was given the advice to “just give it to God.” At that point, I texted a friend very frustrated and unburdened, exclaiming, “It’s yours now! I have nothing else to hold back!” For me, at the time, it had nothing to do with entrusting the situation to God; I DID trust God. The fact was that I was suffering. Deeply. I know the advice was given with good intentions, but it was not helpful. Absolutely.

We’ve all had times when, because we didn’t understand what someone else was going through, we’ve said or done something unhelpful or even hurtful. Happens.

As individuals, it can be very difficult trying to understand what another person is dealing with. Even if we have experienced something similar, we will not be able to fully understand the layers of your unique experiences. Every person’s story is different, and that’s the way it’s designed to be.

Having said all that, for Christians struggling with anxiety, feedback from others within the Church can be a defeat, to say the least.

Advice from fellow believers may be motivated by good intentions, but may come across as dismissive, destructive, and discouraging.

When I asked a dear Christian friend who struggles with anxiety what she thought should be included in a post titled “What Every Christian Needs to Know About Fellow Believers Struggling With Anxiety,” her input reinforced my thoughts as I worked on my sketch for this article. So, feeling validated in what I want to share with you, I would like to share what, from my professional experience, personal experience, and experiences of loved ones, Christians struggling with anxiety want their fellow believers to understand.

1. Anxiety is a physical response to a perceived threat.

While anxiety is also a descriptive word for emotions related to fear and worry, there are physical symptoms as well. Sometimes our bodies have a hard time determining whether or not something is a legitimate threat, so they respond as if threats are immediate and physical, even when they aren’t.

If you’re familiar with the concept of “fight or flight,” you probably already understand it. When our bodies sense danger (real or perceived), there are a series of physical reactions that naturally prepare us to fight or flee.

If you look at the physical symptoms of the body’s natural “threat system,” you’ll notice that they’re basically a list of anxiety symptoms—you’ll find the same symptoms experienced by someone struggling with significant anxiety.

It’s also important to note that there are many physical conditions that can cause anxiety-like symptoms.

2. Anxiety is not always a lack of faith.

It is true that sometimes anxiety can stem from a lack of faith, but more often than not it stems more from an ambush of fearful thoughts that may have become a habit over time, through life experiences. Controlling relationships, multiple failures or losses, behavioral habits learned from parents or other loved ones, or other complicated life struggles all work together to form what are known as “core beliefs” in our subconscious. We ALL form core beliefs, whether positive or negative. Even if we don’t recognize that the beliefs are there, they tend to form the basis of our reactions when there is a new experience that serves as a trigger.

For example, if someone from your past repeatedly told you that you are worthless, that thought may be deeply ingrained in your mind. Even if you don’t believe it’s true, it becomes easier to ACT as if it’s true when you face new challenges. This is how our brain works. (On the other hand, if we continually input good messages, it’s easier to act like they they are true. Think of Philippians 4:8!)

There’s a reason phrases like “Fear not!” they are repeated so many times throughout the Scriptures.

We are human and we see things from our own limited point of view. The temptation to worry is common and can sometimes be overwhelming. For some, it can be debilitating.

3. You are not going to say something that will miraculously “fix” the anxiety, and you are not expected to try.

You are out of danger! If a fellow believer tells you that he’s feeling anxious, it’s not his job to fix the problem by sharing jokes like, “Just give it to God,” “If only you had more faith…”, “Maybe you shouldn’t.” have ______,”* or, “Don’t you have faith that God can take care of you?”

Generally, we to know we need to hand over our struggles to God, right? Constant effort is needed.

Luke 9:23

Then he told them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny himself, take up his cross daily and follow me.

Daily. Pick up the cross, the symbol of personal sacrifice in favor of God’s will… daily. Reading that tells me that it is a constant and conscious effort. It is natural that some days are more difficult than others. knowing that need doing something doesn’t always make it easy.

*While anxiety is not a divine punishment, if God is convicting, anxiety can be a very real result. That’s always something to get attention. As we pray, we need to hear if God is speaking correction to our hearts.

4. No one wants to be treated like a very real fight is “all in my head,” but we all want to feel validated!

It’s true that anxiety is ingrained in our thinking habits (among other factors, as mentioned above), but just because a struggle is ingrained in our thinking doesn’t mean it’s not real. Being told that something is in our heads gives the impression that it is not a legitimate struggle or that it does not count as an affliction of some kind.

Once again, no one wants to be treated like this. We all want to be validated, confident that what we are going through is understandable and we have not lost touch with reality.

Even if you don’t understand what someone is experiencing, you can still be understanding and acknowledge how they are telling you they feel.

5. What really DOES help is prayer, encouragement and support.

Pray for peace, pray for comfort, pray for wisdom and discernment so that you can make good decisions about any struggle that comes your way.

A Christian with anxiety is experiencing a constant struggle to believe that God loves and cares for them, while fearing from day-to-day stressors, interpersonal interactions, self-doubt, and more. While jokes that seem dismissive are not helpful, encouraging scriptures and prayers can be. If you want to help, try it!

So a summary of what MAY be useful includes:
1. Don’t dismiss anxiety. It is a real struggle, with real symptoms.

2. Validate. Even if you don’t personally understand the symptoms of anxiety or the impact they can have, acknowledge the symptoms that someone is telling you and believe they are important to that person. It is a personal experience, and only the individual knows what his experience is.

3. Do not accuse a distressed person of not having faith, etc. Instead, encourage him with prayer and the scriptures. (And please don’t refer to problems by saying anything that starts with “Well, at least…”)

4. Keep your negativity to yourself. Someone who is already struggling with anxiety needs to be surrounded by positivity.

Philippians 4:8 (NIV)
8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think of such things.
What would YOU add to this list?

Above all, be loving; And when in doubt about what might be most helpful… ask!

Remember, there are new opportunities every day, so make every day amazing!