There’s a reason we talk about New Years Resolutions, or buy books off the “self-help” shelf, or hire life coaches. We are not where we want to be. Yes, we may have fulfillment in some categories of our life, but we often find certain segments of ourselves lacking. Whether it’s what we find in the mirror, our wallet, or our soul, our life always seems to call us toward growth. We want “different” and “better”. But if this desire is so universal and so predictable, why isn’t it also more powerful? Why doesn’t the mother’s “want” produce change and transformation?

1. We often don’t know the “how” behind the change. We know where we are and what we long for, but we don’t seem to have a proper compass, map, or orienteering skills. We are tired of our reality and ready to make it different, but we just don’t know what will get us there. It doesn’t help that we are often overwhelmed by information, creating too many options, many of which are contradictory or ill-conceived. What diet or exercise plan should we adopt? What kind of time management philosophy will really work for me? Eventually, we succumb to the paralysis induced by an unlimited supply of options, and lie in the fetal position wishing we never had these cravings.

2. Our words and our habits communicate contradictory desires. Often when we see what others would consider legitimate options, we dismiss them because it would negate another “unwritten wish.” We become a casualty in the war of competing desires, never allowing one to oppress the others. We want to finish that novel or screenplay, but we also want to sleep in or enjoy a movie marathon. We want to get ripped abs, but we also want to consume most of a large pizza and greet people at the gym on the way to Buffalo Wing-fest. I never tell customers they can have anything they want. Having everything you want only happens when you’ve figured out how to want those things that lead to your best life. This is an acquired skill and one that often eludes us.

3. We run away from risk. Most of the obstacles in our way are red herrings. We tell each other scary stories about what can happen if we stray too far from the familiar. “Start my own business? But do you know the current start-up failure rate?” Or “Do I just walk up and introduce myself to that man/woman at the party? I’m sorry, I’ve been knocked down one too many times.” It is said that only when the fear of staying the same usurps the fear of changing, do we really pull the trigger. Rarely have I watched someone take a chance and feel that the outcome was anywhere near the horror they had imagined. Actually, I have never observed it.

4. We do not assign you action. At our foundation we are trained animals. We need active and intentional repetition in order to become something other than our current selves. Action is the bridge from reality to accomplished resolution. It even prompts us to cross. Many times, if we were to simply reduce our goals to repeating an intentional act on a daily basis, it would make a world of difference. What would happen if we simply promised to smile at 1 “yet unknown” person or 1 person who would normally threaten us every day? What if we choose to focus on learning our second language every day instead of watching a 1 hour TV show? Imagine the difference it would make to our health if we committed to taking the dog for a 30-minute walk every day? Change does not occur like a tidal wave, but more often as a perpetual current. What are you choosing to allow to flow over you now? Are persistent habits aligned with your desired life?

5. We completely trust our own power. Change is communal. When we look at the barrel of transformation, we must count the people who consider themselves companions. In essence, we want to be significant in the personal development of those we love and care about. A quick litmus test of friendship is sharing the life you want and the goals that would catapult you there. You’ll find some jeering, some yawning, and some heading to the finish line to witness your celebration. Stick with the last crowd and you’ll enjoy your ticker parade.

The world is full of wishers and wishers, and some of them are doers. And at the end of the day, the only difference between the two is which category they CHOOSE to fall into.