It’s time to get rid of all those cookie cutter date questions (what’s your sign, what are your hobbies, what’s your favorite color, etc.). If you’re going to get the RIGHT man, you’ll need to dig a little deeper than those tired questions. You must use your questions like an ice sculptor uses his pickaxe. Each question must be used strategically to decipher the true image of your candidate.
Throughout this article I refer to your date as a “candidate.” I’m doing this strategically. If you’re serious about finding your ideal partner, you need to stop viewing the guy you’re dating as a dinner and movie buddy. You should see him as a potential candidate for a serious relationship and maybe even marriage. If you approach each “candidate” with that perspective, it could save you a lot of time and unnecessary headache. I’m writing this article to allow you to ask the right questions on the front end so you don’t get disappointed on the back end. Now move!
1. Tell me about your relationship with God
The question of spirituality is extremely important because it allows you to glimpse the spiritual depth of your candidate. If you are looking for a man who only talks about spirituality but has no real connection to God, this question is unnecessary. If you are serious about finding someone who is intimately connected to the Divine, this question MUST be prioritized above all others. Note that the question is open ended. Many women simply ask, “Do you know God?” This restrictive question only admits two answers, yes or no. Any man can say a quick “yes” and move on to the next topic without really detailing the depth of God’s knowledge of him. DON’T LET IT OFF THE HOOK SO EASY! If catching a spiritually connected guy is important to you, give your prospect a chance to talk at length about it. A man who is truly spiritually connected will appreciate the conversation and can easily explain the dynamics of his relationship with God.
2. What are your life plans in the short, medium and long term?
This is a loaded question that will help you figure out if your candidate has an ambitious drive. Once you ask this question, listen for an articulate, clear and compelling vision. If the candidate cannot intelligently answer this query, PROCEED WITH CAUTION. It would be horrible if you ended up with a complacent guy content with mediocrity. He may not be a millionaire now, but he should be able to explain how he plans to get there. It is possible that now he does not have more than 700 credits, but he must have a strategy that allows him to achieve it. You need to know if the guy has thought about his life or if he is living next to the seat if you pants him. The last thing you want to do is join him on a ship that is destined to sink because he doesn’t know where to steer it.
3. Who are your biggest influences?
Every human being is a product of the mentoring and leadership of others. Women need to realize that every man has been shaped and shaped by someone, negatively or positively. The people who influenced your candidate have contributed to your philosophical views on life and relationships. Finding out who your candidate sees as a hero will give you insight into his values, philosophical leanings, and where he derives his worldview from. If the guy tells you that his biggest influence was his late homie Peanut from Compton, WALK AWAY SLOWLY. Not to say Peanut wasn’t a nice guy, it’s just that a hero should be someone he aspires to be like. Remember this, WHEN YOU GET INTO A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE, EVERYONE WHO HAS INFLUENCED THEM GETS IN TOO. They will bring the thought processes, values, temperament and quirks of others. If a man tells you that no one has influenced him, it’s a sign that he has a “me against the world” mentality. Generally, men who live with this mentality make their own rules and only look out for their own interest.
4. What motivates you?
Ladies, if you can’t get a rich man; GET A MOTIVATED MAN! Riches follow motivation. In question #2, I asked you to find out your candidate’s life plans. This question is a good follow-up to question #2 because a plan is only as good as the level of motivation of the person who made it. If a man lacks motivation, no matter how many plans he has, none of them will come to fruition. Let your candidate tell you how he handles setbacks and where he finds the determination to keep going. Listen carefully as he describes what he considers his fuel for success. Motivation can come through recognition, a sermon, a reward, an achievement, etc. You need to know what lifts your candidate up when life’s inevitable trials bring him down.
5. How do you define success?
The word “success” can be defined in many ways. Some people see success as getting a six-bedroom property. Some people see it as landing a major record deal. For others, success has a humbler meaning. This question is critical because it allows you to see how your candidate sees life. Are you solely concerned with accumulating wealth, or is your vision of success more holistic and inclusive of those around you? Ultimately, you’ll be hard-pressed to find a match with someone who answers this question differently than you do. If you define “success” differently, that means you’re both pulling in opposite directions. Sure, over time someone may give in and adopt the other person’s vision of success, but why leave something so important to chance? Use this question as an early indicator of whether or not the two of you are on the same page.
