A friend or relative has passed away and you have been asked to plan a memorial service. Perhaps your loved one does not belong to a church or the family wants a celebration instead of a sad funeral. Or perhaps the person was what is now called “spiritual, not religious.” That usually means that they believed in God in some form, but did not adhere to the religious dictates of any religion or church. Here are some helpful tips and techniques to get you started.
There are many ways to honor this life that you feel are not carried out in a church per se and are not administered by a person from the church. The key is the reverence and compassion that goes into the planning, the personal details that are attended to, and the respect and love that goes into the celebration. Here are a few things to help you think about what you want at a Celebration of Life event. Gather selected family members and close friends and think of some of the following.
1. Decide how many people will come
If your loved one had tons of friends and business contacts, plan for 100 or more. Ask one of your business associates what to expect from that aspect of the person’s life. How many relatives will come? If it is a person under the age of 18, count on many more. If the person is in public life, try to estimate how many members of the public can attend. Getting a ballpark number will help determine the size of the location you will need.
2. Choose a warm and cozy place
Some ideas for a Celebration of Life event are the same as for selecting a venue for a wedding. Ideas for outdoor celebrations include gardens, parks, ocean beaches, national and state parks, and wineries. Inside ideas are big houses, dance venues, club houses, bed and breakfast inns, even hotel meeting rooms can be heated! Of course everything has a cost, but it is convenient. Try to select a space that won’t get crowded, but also isn’t so big that the party gets lost in space.
3. Decide on the date and time.
Selecting a weekend date allows people to come in from out of town. If the person has asked to be cremated, the celebration can take up to a month or more. This leaves time for preparation, thoughtful reflection, preparation of slide shows, old photographs, etc. All this takes time and adds a loving touch. The time of day depends on whether you are having a sit-down or cafeteria-style meal or just hors d’oeuvres and drinks.
4. Get the word out
One way to do this is to check the person’s email list and send out notices. Placing an “ad” in the appropriate newspapers, while not cheap, is a good way. Many people read obituaries every day. (Call your newspaper to check their rates.) Set up a phone chain by calling 10-20 people in the person’s life (work, relatives, friends, social clubs, neighbors) and ask them to call the people they think will want murga.
5. Plan the meal
The easiest and least time consuming way to do this is to have a caterer take care of the food. Whether it is appetizers or a complete meal, the provider will bring the food, the plates, the cutlery, the table linen, even the tables, everything you need. At the end of the day, they sweep it all away. However, many people find it comforting to have a do-it-yourself cooking party the day before the celebration and collaborate together to make the preparations. Shared meals are also perfectly appropriate. For generations, friends and neighbors have provided food for the family of the deceased. We often like to do it. It makes us feel that we have helped in some way. So don’t hesitate to announce that it’s a potluck.
6. Make a decision about flowers and donations
Many people ask attendees not to bring flowers and to make a donation to a favorite charity of their choice or one that was a favorite of the deceased. Since a decent bouquet costs upwards of $50, this can be a boon to the charity.
7. Select Decorations or a Theme
This isn’t always necessary, but since you’ll want to provide some sort of schedule, flower arrangement baskets, and note cards to leave family condolences or place cards, you may want to create a color scheme to keep the room looking uncluttered. . Cream and another color is often a safe and tasteful option.
8. Decide on the contents of the program
Select someone who is good with computer graphics to do your show. In addition to listing who will be speaking or performing, you may want to include a favorite poem or saying, a meaningful sentence or graphic, or other things appropriate to your person. Think about the person’s nationality, culture, and interests to get clues about this. A simple 81/2 by 11 folded cream paper is easy. Depending on your time and resources, you may want to make it more elaborate.
9. Decide who will do what
On the day of the celebration you will need the following functions to be performed by people you can trust to be accountable.
OhHosts:
OhMaster or Mistress of Ceremony:
OhFour to six honors or memories:
OhOne person to circulate so attendees can speak:
OhCleaning equipment:
There are many thoughtful ways to personalize a Celebration Of Life event. A family of a voracious invested reader took out all of their books and asked the participants to go through them and take as many as they wanted. Attendees were thrilled to have such a fitting memento and selected those that had been gleaned and underlined, as well as those that seemed to have not been read yet. The family designed a bookmark to match their programs and had a quote about books.
Did your person have a passionate interest, a favorite hobby, or love a certain type of music or dance? Did you have a collection of something that no one in the family wants, but having a piece would be a nice keepsake for the people who helped? One loved scarves and had over thirty scarves and coats from friends so they brought them out to people.
Many churches join the family in informal celebrations and only have a couple of prayers, so they should not be ruled out. If your loved one did not regularly attend church, they will probably be required to pay some type of rent. But many churches are beautiful and give comfort to the religious in the family. One more thought. You may not want to have your celebration in a church, but you can still ask a minister, spiritual leader, or friend to say a prayer.
