I sometimes hear from people who are very disappointed to find out that despite their spouse’s claims to the contrary, they just don’t see much commitment after the affair. Sometimes the cheating spouse promises that she will move heaven and earth to help save the marriage if given the chance. But when the faithful spouse has a little faith and offers that opportunity, sometimes the result is a lack of commitment.

I heard from a wife who said, “After I found out my husband was cheating on me, he panicked. He made all kinds of promises to me. He said if I gave him one more chance, he would be the best husband he could be.” go figure. He said that he would not only go to a counselor, but he would do all the work to find us the best counselor. He said that he would make our marriage and our family his top priority. He said that he would prove to be trustworthy. and lovely. Well, it’s been six weeks since I found out about the affair, and we haven’t been to therapy once. He never found a counselor. And he comes home late all the time. When I ask him where he’s been, he doesn’t give me a straight answer and he seems annoyed that I’m suspicious. He hasn’t been to our children’s events with me in several weeks. In short, the children and I pretty much exist on our own. he rarely joins us. He is not particularly affectionate with me. He acts like he doesn’t care if I’m angry or not. his lack of commitment. Why is he acting this way? And what can I do? Because despite this, I still want to save my marriage.” I will try to address these concerns in the following article.

He could be showing a lack of commitment to see if you’ll accept less of him: It is not uncommon for the cheating spouse to try to sound out the other spouse to see what is going to be acceptable behavior. As soon as the matter is discovered, panic often ensues. Usually then he will say or do anything to get you to give him one more chance. But when his words or actions have the desired effect and you suddenly agree to give him that opportunity, he will sometimes back down from his claims.

I know it’s frustrating and unfair, but very few men are going to be terribly excited about going to therapy or feeling like their wife is holding them back. They will tell you that they don’t want to feel like their wife is their mother or that they have to ask permission for even very basic things. In short, they don’t like having to register. They don’t like to feel like a criminal who needs surveillance in their own home. I am not defending them in any way. But I am sharing with you what I hear from them in this situation.

Often the idea of ​​having to go through all of rehab and sharing your feelings sounds very unpleasant. They worry that they are giving away their manhood because you will be watching their every move. They feel like they will constantly have to ask your permission for even very innocent things. And they worry that they will always be the “bad guy” in their marriage. So sometimes they will try to see if they can get away with not meeting all of your claims. At the very least, they realize it’s worth trying to see what you’ll allow, which is why it’s so important to hold your ground if you find it annoying or unacceptable.

How to respond when you’re not seeing the commit you want after cheating: You have a couple of options, depending on how much it bothers you. First, you can watch for a while and see if he’ll drop this tactic when it’s clear it’s not going to work. However, you can try to speed up this process by addressing it directly. If that’s what you decide to do, the next time this lack of commitment bothers you, you might consider saying something like, “After I found out about the scam, you promised me that you would go to a counselor, be accountable, and be present at our meeting.” marriage. And as of now, we don’t even have a counselor and you’re late again. This is in direct contrast to the promises you made to me. I have to tell you, the lack of commitment I’m seeing from you makes me have doubts. I need to see that you think about what you say and that you care enough to do exactly what you promised. Please tell me where I’m wrong, but so far, I don’t see the commitment you promised. Is there a reason for this? Have you Changed your mind? I need you to be honest with me because this isn’t fair to any of us.”

Hopefully this conversation will prompt the husband to start showing some commitment or to be honest with his wife about why he has been holding back. Sometimes it’s just a pose. And sometimes, she still hasn’t figured out how she feels or how she wants to proceed. Either way, he must comply with his claims if he expects her wife to believe what he is saying and if she really wants to save her marriage.