Everyone has a few little pieces of clothing that are sure to drive the people closest to them a little crazy. It might be the foot tapping that never ends or maybe it’s talking out loud when all you want is peace and quiet. Human differences are part of life and we can either embrace them or allow them to irritate us endlessly. Usually we can just accept that the individual does things differently from us and move on. It is not so simple if the person who is feeling that irritation is your wife and it is due to your behavior. At first, it may seem like his irritation with you is just a passing phase, but if it’s ongoing and undermining the foundation of your marriage, attention is needed now. You need to remedy this before it gets so out of hand that you start to resent your wife or she gets so upset over those little irritations that she decides living with you just isn’t working for her anymore.

When a man tells his friends, “My wife is mad at me all the time,” he’ll get a lot of “I know how you feel” in response. It is common in many marriages for the wife to reach a point where she is upset by some of her husband’s habits. The important thing for her to understand is that while it is common and your male friends may feel sorry for you for the fact that all wives never seem to be satisfied, it is much more serious and far reaching than that.

Although on the surface it may seem that the problem is that your wife is irritated with you all the time, it is much more of an underlying problem in the relationship. Something is going on between you and your wife that is causing her to attack you. She may wear you down for not picking up your dirty socks off the floor, but if she scolds you for it every day, chances are she’s using it as a weapon for a different conflict altogether.

I am a woman and I can tell you without reservation that we are masters at holding a grudge. Typically, a woman can hold on to emotional pain for months, if not years. All the complaining about things that irritate you may be your wife’s way of dealing with the disappointment, frustration, and confusion she feels about something else.

If there has been a conflict between the two of you that has not been fully resolved, that is most likely the source of your wife’s dissatisfaction. The reason she’s mad at you all the time is that she’s absorbing the pain of that particular conflict and then unleashing it on you, with all guns blazing. In fact, she will look for things to complain about in an effort to make you feel even a fraction of the emotional pain that she feels.

So what’s the best way to handle this so it doesn’t get out of hand and you’re left staring at the divorce papers? Talk to your wife. Try to overcome the derogatory comments that she throws at you and observe the inner good that lives within her. You know she is there. Try to see her behavior simply as a vehicle for her pain. Explain to your spouse that you want to return to the place of love where you used to be and that you want to help her if she feels angry about something you have done or said. By doing this, you are opening the door for her to talk to you about how she feels. She will be acknowledging that she acknowledges that there is a problem between the two of you that needs careful and compassionate attention.

By being the caring and loving husband, even in the face of her endless irritation, you will take your marriage to a healthier place for both of you. Never forget that women and men absorb things differently and handle their emotions in very different ways. By seeing past his irritation with you to the root of the problem, you will give your marriage a fighting chance.