“When times are tough, you learn who you are” – Stephen Green, HSBC

It is important as leaders to be able to lead ourselves. In fact, it is important for all of us to be able to lead ourselves. Timothy Gallwey in ‘The Inner Game of Work’ talks about how we are all the CEO of our own company, that is, of our own lives, and it’s true: if we don’t lead anything or anyone else, we lead ourselves . How well are we doing?

The Bible also suggests that a man should examine himself because if we judge ourselves, we will not be judged; he speaks in a spiritual sense, but this is not true also in the natural world. If we look at ourselves with an objective and critical eye (or as unbiased as we’ll ever be) we can make changes and improvements before someone else points out our flaws, a potentially infinitely more painful process.

However, self-awareness is not something that will come easily. Many of us will be overly critical when looking at all our faults. Others of us will border on arrogant, aware of our strengths and unconcerned or blind to our flaws. How can we be realistic and tend towards the goal?

It seems that there are three keys to being more aware of who we are.

Meditation

It is not easy or fast, but it is absolutely necessary. If we try to look at ourselves in the hustle and bustle of everyday life, all we’ll see is a busy person struggling to spend enough time on task.

Instead, we must step away from life, detach ourselves somehow from the merry-go-round on which we live and work, and find a place of silence. That could be on the side of a hill or it could be in your own front room. Location is irrelevant as long as there is an air of remoteness from the pressures of life; a remoteness that is not in danger of being tapped by incoming phone messages or people clamoring for your attention. So turn off your Blackberry, step away from your laptop, leave people behind.

Take enough time to be really calm, too. We cannot do it by simply sitting for half an hour in silence. There will be too many wandering thoughts still cunningly spilling over from their previous concentrations. If you have less than half a day, it will be difficult to enter a space of peace and start thinking unadulterated thoughts.

Maybe you are the type of person who can focus on things just by sitting down and thinking about them. Alternatively, you may want to be active, doing something to focus your thoughts. However thoughts come to mind, write them down. They may be instantly obvious, or you may need to reflect on them in the coming days or weeks. What do they mean?

Self-assessment tools

There are many tools on the market ranging from free to very expensive; from three insightful questions to material books to read. However, some of them will be useful.

How you decide what to wear may initially come down to what you want to find out about yourself. For example, if you want to get a better idea of ​​your personality strengths, you can use the persolog personality profile, a Myers Briggs type indicator, or any of the wide range of other offerings available on the market. When you want to know what your creative style is, you can try a Kirton Innovation and Adaptation Inventory. To see where your motivational skills lie, try an xpand Skills Workbook. But these are just the tip of the iceberg to serve as examples. There are hundreds of thousands of “know yourself” products on the market, which one do you use?

What your friends and people you trust have used. What can other people recommend? What can you afford or how much do you want to budget? Find someone with some ideas and go from there.

External comments

What do other people say about you? We tend to notice the nice things people say, but they’re often not particularly insightful. The other statements that leave a mark on our consciousness are the critical ones, but how many of them are valid and, again, insightful? Both sets are worth digging deeper into, though, because there are probably nuggets of truth before they’ve been filtered through the situation and the other person’s feelings.

On top of that, however, you need to find an objective source of feedback. Hopefully the people you trust, who you refer to for self-assessment tools, are also people you trust to talk to you directly about your strengths and weaknesses. If they aren’t, search your close contacts list and find that type of person. It has to be someone who knows you well, who you trust to tell the truth, and who you respect so you don’t discount what they say. In the same way, they must respect you, otherwise they will not be upset and may give insufficiently thoughtful answers. Also be aware of any power imbalances in the relationship before you begin. Are you willing to let a boss or a subordinate point out your faults? Will a subordinate tend to give you an overly positive evaluation and not be critical enough?

Once you’ve found a suitable person (or persons; different points of view will give you a better overall picture), don’t just ask them ‘what are my strengths?’ question type. Instead, how about asking them to complete the same self-assessment tools that you have already completed, and then compare their answers? Where are the discrepancies and why have they appeared? Alternatively, just sit down with the answers you generated yourself and ask your reviewer(s) if they agree with your findings. If your reviewers/critics/mentors have something to agree or disagree with, that makes your job easier, so they’re more likely to spend time with you and you’ll get better feedback.

Don’t forget to thank them in some way for their time and effort; then they are more likely to help you the next time you come to complete a self-assessment exercise.