It only takes a spark

to light a fire,

and soon everyone around

will warm to its radiance …

That old song, called “Pass It On,” used to be very popular to end camps and church retreats. Everyone gathered in a circle in the dark with an unlit candle and, as they sang the song, a candle was lit. Then that candle was touched with the wick of another, and the person holding that candle turned to the next one, and so on, until all the candles were lit and the darkness disappeared.

It only took a spark.

Lately, I’ve been thinking of goodness that way: how it gets passed from person to person, with the potential to light up the world.

For the past 30 years, I have been listening to people’s stories, the stories of their lives and what has caused them to be who they are. Everyone has these stories of events from their past that caused them unhappiness or happiness.

One thing that I have learned in all this time is that we affect each other, and how we treat each other is important.

There’s no getting around the cruel fact that the actions of the people we were raised with matter. Some parents are loving, understanding, and kind, but there are also those who are cruel or even abusive. The words of those parents can have a lasting impact, with statements like “I wish you were never born” or “You will never get anywhere.” This can become part of a playlist that your children return to over and over again throughout their lives, because it is incredibly difficult to switch to a different soundtrack when one is so embedded in our subconscious.

Cruel words are sadly common, but physical or even sexual cruelty is inflicted on children as well, and memories of these actions can reverberate for years as well.

You may know someone who had a very challenging childhood growing up, and if you do, you’ve likely seen the knock-on effects of that early trauma. These people may leave their childhoods and families in the past, but as adults they may go on to instigate abuse in their own relationships, or they may be lulled into drugs and alcohol.

Even if they avoid physical abuse of themselves (through substances) or others (through violence), people who were raised in an atmosphere of cruelty may resort to being nasty to the people in their lives: the people that love. What we see in these situations is a cycle of pain that passes from one generation to the next.

Something that has surprised me over the years is that I have met people who went through incredibly difficult childhoods, and they have done very well. We could consider this result as apparently miraculous. How they did it? How did they end the cycle of pain?

This is a topic that I have explored with great attention for decades, and what I have discovered is that love leaves its mark on people’s lives. When people who have had a challenging upbringing become helpful, loving, and kind, I think we are seeing ripples of a loving presence that left its mark on their lives, perhaps outside the home.

I truly believe that no matter how challenging our young lives were, someone probably loved us unconditionally. Someone showed us unconditional kindness, even in the darkest hours. It could be anyone. Are they angels? Are they beings that were sent to help us? Whatever they are, they are with us all, and the spark of their loving-kindness goes on and on.

I’ve never met anyone who hasn’t had someone in their life who has shown them some kindness, some love, even when it seemed like everyone else in their lives was cruel to them.

Here’s what I know about kindness: It has a ripple effect. The love of a single angelic presence can surge from them wave after wave after wave, washing through us and continuing to touch those in our path. For some, even with the horrible things happening in their lives, they can take this goodness and turn it into something beautiful.

We all have the opportunity in our lives to be kind to others, to say something encouraging to them, to treat them in a friendly way, to show them expressions of kindness, and when we do this, we create a wave of kindness that radiates in us. two directions: outward and inward.

The kindness that you radiate to others can help them improve their lives by giving them hope, helping them through difficult times, or putting a smile on their face. We often do not know the effects of our goodness on others, but we can be sure that it makes a difference. It could be that someone goes home with a happier heart and is therefore more likely to share kindness with loved ones, perhaps children.

And beyond provoking a simple smile, stopping and making time to be nice to others could lift them out of dark despair. It may help them when we don’t realize they are having a hard time. You could even prevent a precious life from being ended by suicide. We don’t know how far our waves go, but I believe that sometimes they can go very far, and only with the mindset of love and care can we help others to live a better life.

Kindness is a source of hope for the desperate. Open the door to positive possibilities. When others are nice to us and they really don’t have to be, we take it in. We say, “Oh, maybe there is love, and maybe I can let that love in and even love myself.” Even if we feel like we don’t deserve kindness, we understand that someone else feels differently about us and our worth and worth. Kindness loosens our ties to let that love in, and as a result, we can begin to show compassion for our own pounding heart.

The ripple effect of kindness affects the people we come into contact with and the people they meet after we leave, and there are many reasons to expect the rhythm to go on and on and on. “It only takes a spark,” as the song goes. The more kind we show, the more the world around us will become a much more beautiful place. There is so much negativity and darkness in our world, but our goodness can be a light.

I remember once taking a tour of a cave. There is a time on most of these tours when the guide turns off the lights and there is no darkness like that. It is a fact of physics that light cannot be bent; it can only travel in a straight line. Once we’re in a cave like that, we’ve moved through narrow passages and around corners and uphill and downhill, and there was no way a ray of light would follow us there. That would be physically impossible.

If someone in the tour group had a watch with a glowing dial or illuminated digital display, what a difference that would make! That light, imperceptible in daylight, would be so bright in a dark cave because it is the only source of light that can be found. Kindness is like that. When we are in our darkest places, the spark of the simplest friendly gesture can illuminate our lives and guide us on our way.

When the lights finally come on on this part of the standard cave tour, what an experience that is. It is almost dazzling. Perhaps this would be considered low light under normal circumstances; maybe there is hardly any light. But kindness shines when people are desperate or struggling, and we can help people navigate by example.

For the people in our daily lives, our friends and family, we have the opportunity throughout the day to share our kindness with them. When we can go home to them and make fun of them, joke with them, or make fun of them, we can choose a loving word that can cheer and cheer them up. This is something we can do throughout the day, wherever we are.

I have often counseled couples who were struggling in their relationship. The main thing that I try to convey to you is the importance of a tender word. I encourage you to say something friendly to you throughout each day to give yourself hope and help you feel love. We experience love through kindness, in romantic relationships, but also in our daily lives. For example, in the workplace, if we are a supervisor with employees who report to us, we can correct them, but for each correction, we must also give them dozens of words of encouragement.

Sometimes people choose to be cruel to us. When this happens, a good option may be to distance ourselves and put distance between ourselves and ugliness. Another alternative? We can be kind to the person who has chosen to treat us cruelly. We are never obligated to give to those who take away from us, emotionally or otherwise, but it is an option we might want to try, and a powerful one. As unlikely as it may seem, goodness is one of the most important forces in the universe.

I mentioned that kindness can radiate towards others, but it can also radiate towards ourselves. When this happens, we open ourselves to happiness.

The truth is that happiness is only possible through kindness. We will not find happiness in our hearts if we treat others cruelly, because kindness is part of the journey to happiness. Honestly, we must be kind to others if we want to find peace in our lives.

Kind people are much more likely to be happy in life. You don’t have to look in the mirror and say, “I am a cruel and unkind person.” Instead, they can say that even if people treat them unkindly, they can be nice to others.

It is really important that we understand the value of keeping boundaries when dealing with cruel and sadistic people. Everyone needs kindness in their lives, but those who would choose to abuse you don’t need their kindness to come from you. If someone is being cruel to you in your life right now, you must recognize that you have the right to get up and walk away, and if someone is being physically or sexually abusive, you must find a way out of that situation the moment they can. safe way. There are resources to help, including the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233).

Beyond the abuse, many of us discover that the world is not a pleasant place, but even when we see others go out to cause misery and unhappiness, we can choose to be that clock in the cave, or that circle of candles, lit with a wick. . the next until night begins to resemble day. When we take advantage of the many opportunities we have to be kind throughout the day, we can feel the ripple effect of kindness within us, radiating through self-love.

There are many parts to living a happy life, but one of the main ones is kindness. I doubt that you or I know a truly happy person who is not kind, because a person who is not kind will never find happiness. The domino effect would be very detrimental to themselves and to others in their lives.

You are reading this because you want a life full of happiness. Maybe we all want such a life, but you have taken steps to embrace happiness and welcome it into your life. I have been talking about happiness for a long time, with individuals, with groups, with listeners and readers in various formats. I am always promoting the value of meditation, of finding that quiet little voice within us, of synchronizing with nature, of slowing down our hectic lives. I suggest making time for pleasure and counting our blessings. But one of the most important means of becoming happy is kindness. It is the only component of a happy life that has no substitute and that should be our point of reference if we want to know the happiness we seek.

We are all here in this human existence so that we can be happy and at peace. We can create happiness in ourselves by one means more than any other: by being kind. And because goodness extends outward, we can make the world a better place by working to cultivate goodness in others.