One question I received recently was from a young man who said that he falls in love in the blink of an eye, or maybe that should read the heart, and then just as quickly feels an equally strong urge to withdraw from the relationship when it gets. to the party that is asking for more commitment.
They told me that everything is great until the moment when it seems that the woman starts asking questions like ‘where are we going?’ at which point you have an overwhelming sense of dread and the need to just get out of the relationship. He says he just wants to ‘run in fear’.
So the question is: ‘why, when everything looks and feels perfect, does it do this?’
The answer can be found in his statement: ‘run in fear!’ because it’s fear that drives it. So, without the opportunity to explore his background further, the answer may be from a past experience between someone who was very important to him, such as his parents, or from a previous experience of his own where he might have been deeply hurt and not hurt. has done. still fully recovered.
All of our past experiences affect the way we respond to what is happening to us now. So if our past experiences have been positive, our present experiences will also be positive and if our past experiences have been negative, so will our present experiences, unless we have taken the time to review those experiences, learn what we need to learn. of them. to ensure a comfort within ourselves that we will not make the same mistakes again.
When we have done it satisfactorily, we can enter new experiences without the past affecting the result. And sometimes we need extra help with this and that is where counseling can play a truly valuable role.
I often wonder when I hear people say that there is no such thing as love. The reason for such thinking is that, most likely, they have been misled by someone in the past, so they become cynical and start saying that love does not exist.
They do it because they don’t want to be hurt again, but by saving themselves, they hurt a lot of other people by first getting into a relationship and then shunning by telling their partner that they don’t love them when what they probably really mean is simply: ‘I’m afraid’.
If this describes you, take a good look inside yourself and be really honest with yourself. Is it about not loving or is this really that you are afraid of? If it is because you are afraid, help is within your reach. No one should spend their days alone because of something that happened a long time ago.
And if you really think that you just want to spend time with someone, and not really commit to a relationship, then you need to let the other person know that you are not into anything serious and that you will not commit to that person. . You should tell them this at first, rather than breaking their hearts later.
If you are not in love, you cannot be happy in a relationship because the relationship doesn’t really exist. To get the most out of your life and your relationship, first do the work you need to end any past relationship, and then open your heart and soul to all the joy that true love, without any fear, can offer. you.
