I ran into an old classmate the other day. Rob was a guy from my college dorm room; I remember him as an inexperienced freshman, rushing to his computer classes and participating in an odd assortment of extracurricular activities that ranged from ballroom dancing to a chess club.

He was a strange guy, even then. One of those little guys who exercises constantly and lords it over his chubbier peers, and tries to make friends with the real jocks – in Rob’s case, some of them adopted him as a fun little pet, and some of them pushed him . around a bit.

My favorite memory of Rob was that he had such an inflated opinion of himself that really beautiful women would love to date him if they knew how smart and funny he was, and how much he worked out. There was a gym at the time that Heather Locklear served as spokesperson for (it was early in her career). Her picture was in newspaper ads, one of which appeared every week in our campus newspaper.

Rob harassed the gym for three months trying to get Heather’s phone number. He didn’t have a TV at the time and had never seen her on TV, so he really believed that she was just a girl working out on the spot. He joined the gym and religiously went to aerobics classes, which were big at the time, hoping to jazz up his blonde girl.

Finally, the gym owner let Rob know that he was not going to meet Heather Locklear during his twice-a-day workout.

That’s really all I remember of him, that and the general feeling you get when you’re dealing with someone you don’t like for a long time but you can’t get away because you’ve been around. My sophomore year, I had an apartment and Rob was still in the dorms, so I really only talked to him in passing.

After all these years, we meet at the airport, between flights. It’s times like these that I really despise airport terminals, stuck with people you’d rather not talk to all the time. Rob is one of those guys who will follow you around so you can’t get rid of him: “Are you going to the men’s room? I have to go too”; Get a sandwich – I starved”; “Magazine rack – I’ll go with you – take a look at the shelves on the shelf, if you understand what I’m saying.”

During my two hour delay, I heard Rob talk a lot about how successful he was. “My condo, it’s quite a show. I installed a flat screen TV,” was one of his bon mots, and “I’m not married, but I date younger women because women our age just can’t keep up.” with me. Of course, I haven’t found anyone worth buying a dinner in five years,” was another. Perhaps the worst thing he ever did had something to do with brushing his tongue so diligently that it knocked out his gad reflex entirely.

Talk about your fear and hate in Las Vegas. Even though we weren’t in Vegas. So I guess it was just fear and hate. In fact, I found myself sneakily looking around to make sure no one I knew saw me with this guy. Talk about old instincts coming to the fore!

As we ate fried food in an all-American decorated place at the airport, I watched Rob as closely as I could without seeming like I wanted him to go on about how he always calculated the tip so the restaurant bill came out to a whole amount in dollars instead of dollars and change.

Obviously, he basically had a good job. His phone was nice and his iPod was one of the newer and more expensive models. However, and I dare say this could be why she hadn’t dated in five years, she really lacked style.

Her purse was one of those 1980s Velcro nylon purses. I mean, I’m sure Rob’s was newer, but you know what I mean. I didn’t even know they made them anymore! He was wearing a Microsoft logo golf shirt and, confusingly, an Apple logo windbreaker. He also wore Docker-esque pants with New Balance sneakers and large-framed glasses with clip-on sunglasses—prescription, of course.

I have to admit I didn’t give Rob any style advice. For one thing, he would have required her to convince him that he needed him, and he just didn’t want to work that hard. Second, I know Rob, and would have become his stylist full-time, with calls several times a day asking if this shirt matched that, and probably emails with scanned photos of him wearing said garments just to be sure.

The best I can do is offer a list of rules. Rob may not see them, but they might help someone like him. And for the rest of us, it’s always nice to be reminded of the basics.

1. Logo clothing is fine as long as you’re at work and your boss requires you to wear it. However, if it’s after hours, try on clothes that weren’t subsidized by the company. Powerful men tend not to wear chest logos (unless you’re Superman, of course).
2. Sneakers are for the gym. For most work situations, a good leather shoe, in black and increasingly brown, is a better choice. Laces will give you more options than loafers. There are also a number of casual shoes that provide the comfort level of a gym shoe, but with much more style. And never, ever wear the same shoes you wear while working out in social situations. One more thing I just remembered about Rob: one day we were all watching TV in the bedroom and he kicked off his shoes and one of the girls yelled, “Ew! Is that feet? Rango!”
3. Wallets: leather, and not the size of a hot dog. Better yet, get a credit card case with room for your most necessary cards and a money clip for your cash. You go to work, not to Egypt.
4. Suits: must fit perfectly. You will have to use the services of a tailor. Pant cuffs are acceptable if you’re wearing a classic suit with a single-pleat pant (never more than a single-pleat, please), but not if you’re wearing flat-front pants (which are actually more flattering on almost everyone). people). body type).
5. Shirts must fit snug, but not tight, around the neck and the sleeves must come to the bottom of the wrist bone. A well-tailored shirt with French cuffs, the kind that require cufflinks, will do for all but the most formal occasions.
6. Jewelry – men, keep it simple. A good quality stainless steel watch will take you from work to night in great style. Cufflinks can also set the tone for your outfit; a pair of cufflinks set with semi-precious stones will work well for day or night, and a pair of novelty cufflinks can add a bit of humor to your look.