How do you recognize when trauma endangers your child’s life? What becomes the breaking point in a child or young adult and how can you help? The usual little disappointments in an adult can become a motive for a suicide attempt in a child over eight years old and, especially, in an adolescent. Acne, a broken heart, the loss of a grandparent, parent or friend, separation from the team, failed SATs, a raid or drug arrest are so traumatic for a young person that parents should pay close attention.
Stress is a general pressure on your body that is like running an engine without rest. Eventually, the weakest place will start to fail. As hormone production, brain chemicals, and body metabolism are affected, so does the thought process. A child, who has much less experience and vision to see stress and disappointment as a transitory part of life, can ruminate and obsess endlessly. Right before your eyes, they could already be on their way to mental illness because they refuse to eat mandatory mental health foods like vegetables and fruits or rest their minds by sleeping 8-10 hours a night. Add worry or shock to this combination and you might have a really stinky thought. If drugs or alcohol are added to make them even more depressed, suicide seems like an option in a child who would never have thought of it before.
Children and adolescents often believe that they must find a solution to their problems immediately, not realizing that time often heals most of the pain. A child will try to reduce the pain he feels and will soon be his most important goal. With their limited life experience, they cannot conceive of the end of their pain or know that they will recover soon.
If your child takes a life hit, assume the worst and operate as if you wanted to give up and not live a moment longer. Try to listen to all of your drama without escalating emotionally yourself. They need a constant helper, not extra harsh treatment, fear, or hysteria. This is the wrong time to scold: “Take your blows like a man!” as your father will have told you. Instead, create them and take them out for ice cream, even if they are 24 years old. Spend a lot of time with them, including taking sick leave to go fishing or shopping. Your constant companionship will help them gain the necessary perspective that life goes on even after heartbreak, rejection, or failure.
Until you die, there is always another chance to be who you want to be, find the right person, or make up for past mistakes. Life is never a throw away. Teach your child to value his life and promise an opportunity in the future to recoup his loss. Whatever affected and hurt them today could be bad enough to kill them, even if you think it’s a small problem. You must take them seriously. Some children keep everything. The less they talk and act like it’s no big deal, the more likely they are pretending and feeling very differently on the inside. If you’re scared for them, take them to a great professional therapist who can teach them how to survive the ups and downs of life. Above all, your job as a good parent is to show them some love and respect for their pain now, rather than later.
